At 19 weeks, things are starting to pop over here. From colostrum (which I find totally magical and wonderful and "proof" of how amazing the body is), to my tummy which occasionally sends out little taps and bubble-like feelings, it's such fun to be on the private (ie: personal, subjective) side of pregnancy. I love sharing the new finds with my husband, although he is probably sick of my "magic boobs" and my insistence on verifying (and sharing) the presence of colostrum on a near daily basis. Through an app on his phone, he keeps me up to date on the size, features, and characteristics of our wee one.
Publicly, it is a different story. For some reason, I just hate it when other people talk about my emerging "baby bump". I groan each time I hear the question "How are you feeling?" I feel great, totally normal, except more creative since I am in the process of creating a small person. If one more person tells me that I shouldn't be eating feta cheese I am going to scream! It's pasteurized milk! I'll eat whatever the hell I want because the feta on my salad (even if it were unpasteurized) is going to do less harm that that 64oz soda. So I find myself wearing baggy clothes, trying to keep things covered to prevent the topic from coming up. At work, I put the patient's chart in front of my stomach to cover it, or wear roomy scrubs to hide the bump. What's up with this? Maybe I feel like I have all of the advice and knowledge I need to get through the pregnancy at this point. Maybe I enjoy being pregnant in such an intimate and personal way that I don't feel like sharing with strangers. Maybe there is just nothing to say so, why say anything. Anyhow, Im hoping to sort out this ambivalence because as things get more gravid, the attention is only going to increase and I've got to find a way to deal with it. Suggestions?
2 comments:
Maybe you don't want to picture yourself as another silly anxious pregnant woman, as you may think of some of your patients whom you wish would "suck it up....woman it up...put on big girl panties" and just BE pregnant.
Also, you may be thinking...you don't KNOW me just because I am pregnant, but you THINK that you know what I am thinking and feeling.
I think that is definitely part of it. I don't see myself as another anxious pregnant woman. I'm doing the Zumba, sleeping on my stomach (oh no!), and generally living my normal active life. But then there is something else too. Why I don't like to discuss the intimate details with coworkers and others. I've never been one to sit and talk about my health, maybe because I'm pretty healthy so I've never had anything to report, and...I still don't.
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