A long time coming

     Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be pregnant. I was fascinated with the whole thing. I remember putting stuffed animals in my shirt and wandering around the house. I pretended to give birth between the rolls of carpet when I was hanging out at my dad's flooring store after school. Having a mother as a midwife, I had easy access to all things pregnancy. There was a page in the 1970s Our Bodies Our Selves that particularly captured my attention. It was of a very pregnant woman seated naked, cross-legged with her long hair parted down the center and draped over her breasts. This Goddess enraptured me: her big round belly, her full droopy breasts, and the look of calm confidence on her face.
     As a midwife, I am a trained expert in normal pregnancy. It's my thing. I greeted 7 beautiful babies as they entered the world this weekend. I've seen the ups and downs of pregnancy and birth. I am acutely aware of things that are important to a pregnancy (healthful diet and exercise), and those that just don't matter (4D ultrasounds and expensive strollers). My patients often ask me how many children I have and while I firmly believe that it is not necessary to have children to be a midwife, I also believe that my beliefs and practice may change as a result of my own experience of pregnancy and birth.
     So here I am, positive pregnancy test in hand. Actually, I taped one to my bathroom mirror because I kept retaking them to make sure there were two lines. The first "pregnancy sign" I have noticed at a mere 5 weeks is insomnia. I cannot get to sleep! This weekend, I finally drifted off at 2AM only to be awakened an hour later for a birth. I returned home shortly after 4AM and tossed and turned and as I finally drifted off, the phone rang at 5:00 for another birth. I attribute this to a mixture of hormones (progesterone) and a busy mind excitedly preparing for the journey ahead. I am constantly monitoring myself for other possible pregnancy signs. Do my breasts hurt? Is that a wave of nausea? I know it's silly, and things will play out as they will. But it is cool to be on the inside of this phenomenon to which I have dedicated my professional life. When the bothersome symptoms come, I'm sure I'll be ready to be rid of them. Now, to get to sleep...