Wow, time is flying, and this baby is growing! And moving! Most evenings, as I tune into the evening news and later when I settle into bed to read, this little dude does major gymnastics. Feeling little bony prominences stick out here and there is totally weird. I can liken it only to swallowing an entire rainbow trout and feeling it madly swim around in my belly. Braxton-Hicks, or "practice" contractions are now noticeable as my whole uterus becomes incredibly hard and tight, like a rock. Then, it goes away. We've acquired a few other baby boy accoutrements: a breastfeeding pillow and breast pump (hand me downs from a family member), a stroller (hand me down from a coworker), and some very cute baby boy clothes (gift from friends).
And now on to the existential musings...
Since that moment during our ultrasound when we learned our baby is a boy, a low level anxiety has crept over me (see post "And we have a winner" Feb. 17). Last night I dreamed that I had the perfect adult son with whom I shared a very close relationship...played by actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson. (For those who don't know him, he plays a sophisticated, uptight but loving father to an adopted Chinese girl with his life partner Cameron on ABC's Modern Family. So yes, my dream son is an intelligent and witty gay man of Irish ancestry.) Then, this weekend while enjoying appetizers and a beautiful sunset with former colleagues who are visiting, the conversation turned to the awful Stubenville Ohio rape case. One of the women, a veteran middle school teacher and mother of 2 teenage boys stated, exasperated "Those are teenage boys for you. They just cannot think beyond the minute they are in. They just don't think ahead." Then the conversation turned to other boys gone bad (the Newtown tragedy, the Colorado movie theater massacre, and a recent tragedy locally whereby a very ill 20-year-old drove through a crowd with his car, got out and stabbed 14 people, 3 fatally.) So now you can guess that I'm extra jazzed about raising a son in America.
Then I saw this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kim-simon/prevent-another-steubenville-moms-of-sons_b_2896131.html?fb_action_ids=10151517074239771&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map={%2210151517074239771%22%3A228936563919443}&action_type_map={%2210151517074239771%22%3A%22og.likes%22}&action_ref_map=[]
It is an article on Huffington Post called Prevent Another Stubenville: What All Mothers Must Do for Their Sons. In a nutshell, the author is sitting at a play group and the mothers are talking about what qualities they would like to see in their now-toddler sons as they grow up. "Athletic", "strong", and "successful" were among the most common responses. The author surprises them all when she says the quality she would most like to foster in her son is kindness. She wants him to ask other children if they are okay after they have fallen. Most boys are raised to brush themselves off and keep moving. She wants him to empathize with his peers who may be hurt, physically or emotionally. She suggests an honest discussion about sex, not just STDs, condoms, and pregnancy but power and control and respect for your sexual partner. She wants her son to have the tools he needs to protect himself, and others. That he could be the one to text a parent, peer, or police during a party when things aren't going as planned to prevent a sexual assault.
Wow, it's a tall order to contemplate at 25 weeks pregnant. Maybe it starts by reading children's books in which the sympathetic character encounters a challenge and is helped by a friendly neighbor/bear/moose. Perhaps it is important to limit their exposure to violence on TV, movies, and in games. Maybe our dog will help him to empathize with another creature. Modeling a loving, supportive relationship between me and my husband may help. In short, creating a kind, empathetic human (male or female) likely begins at home in our daily actions and words. It is my hope that the community outside our front door will also value and nurture these qualities in our son.
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